Crash
by saye0036
Summary: Woken from a dead sleep...M finds a drunken mess in her flat.
1. Chapter 1

For liz1967, detectivecaz & topyeah19 because I write because of their encouragement.

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*CRASH*

The sound makes her bolt up in bed...years of training herself to be alert within moments, comes into play. It is the nature of her job. That and raising children has helped give her the ability to snap into complete awareness in seconds.

This talent has not diminished with age.

"Everything else bloody well has," she whispers to herself. M attempts to extradite herself from her cocoon of sheets and blankets.

Taking the gun from her bedside table, M walks cautiously to the door of her bedroom. She opens the door slowly and holds her gun arm forward as she moves into the hall.

M cautiously moves down stairs to see broken glass all over her floor. James Bond is crouching above the mess with broom and dustpan in hand.

"BLOODY HELL BOND! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?"

"M...oh my god...christ….sorry... to wake you...I just wanted to...ahhh...to... leave... report... bloody... movable…. booze trolley... caught my coat."

"Yes...I'm sure it was that and not you being drunk and helping yourself. For fuck sakes Bond...what the hell gives you the right to break into my home whenever it strikes your fancy! Do you know how inappropriate this is? I could excuse it when Nigel was alive but now? If word of this got out they might make the bizarre assumption that something untoward was going on between us."

Bond looks at her in chastised sadness.

"It would...not be... that bad... would it M?"

Bond staggers towards her and she takes a step back and holds her hands out to catch him as he practically falls into her.

"Bond why are you drunk and in my house...run out of money for the pub?"

"No...I just wanted to see you...I texttteddd you but no answer...I wanted to see you….can I sleep with you M? I want toooo reallllyyy... very bad..ly...so sexy."

"SEXY...WHAT!"

"YOU M...wait...why are we yelling?"

"It's called shock and now hand that dust pan to me before it ends up back on my floor."

"Yes ma'am!"

M rolls her eyes as she takes the dustpan full of glass out of his unstable hands and moves into the kitchen to dispose of it. Bond manages to follow. M turns back around and bumps her head right into Bond's chest.

"BOND...give me some bloody room!"

Bond moves two steps back and leans against the counter watching her intently.

M returns to the other room and then back to the kitchen with more glass and the broom. Once she puts away the implements she walks to the sink, rinses her hands and fills the kettle.

M will sober him up and god knows she could use the calm, relaxing, restorative properties of tea right about now.

Bond just stares at her while she moves about the kitchen getting the tea-pot ready along with bread that she begins toasting.

"Butter or jam?"

Bond sulks at being ignored. "Can't I have both?"

"Oh all right Bond, don't sound as if I have just tossed out your favourite toy...yes, you may have butter and jam."

M takes out the bread and fixes it for him as she would one of her children or grandchildren.

M finally looks back at the drunken dolt and despite his inebriated state, his eyes pierced into hers making her feel uncomfortable. Her heart does a small flip...she may be old but she remembers that look.

M has seen it on occasion but it has been a while. She shakes her head refusing to give voice to the possibility. The water is ready and she pours it into the pot and places it all on a the kitchen table.

M sits and then glances quickly up at Bond again. "You may sit."

Bond moves around to her side of the table and turns his chair to face her profile. M slides a cup of tea towards hims without looking at him. She is resting her elbows on the table with her cup in her hands, staring at the stove and not turning to look at Bond.

Bond inches his chair closer to her as if willing her to turn and bitch at him. M is certain that any acknowledgement of his proximity will be her downfall.

Bond is...well he has been trained to...hand picked by her because...well... it is obvious to anyone with eyes that...James Bond is the most incredibly sexy man in the entire bloody country.

To have him turn that laser like focus on her in a sexual way...is...disconcerting. Thankfully she will never have to admit nor acknowledge these thoughts and because of his inebriation he will be horribly embarrassed later.

This will be amusing for her at least. It will be enough to be able to tease him at work...she may even be able to get him to obey commands and guilt him into returning his equipment in one piece.

Bond lowers his cup and emits a harumph...without looking at him, M can tell he is unhappy at being ignored. Bond really is a needy child when it come to attention.

Truth be told M can barely trust herself to look into those amazing eyes of his.

Aye...there is the rub...she would love to get lost in them just like every other mark that has fallen into bed with him.

M cannot do such a thing...it would be wrong.

"M...can I sleep here tonight?"

"You can take the sofa but make yourself scarce in the morning."

"No...I wanna...make love to you."

"BOND!"

James grabs her hands in his, forcing her to look at him. "Will you let me warm your bed M?"

M looks at him...the tea and food as helped him to form coherent sentences. However, what he is saying is not reassuring her any.

"No 007 and it is completely inappropriate for you to even ask such a thing."

Bond actually looks disappointed...he actually wants to sleep with her.

"I love you M...you must have...figured out...that...by now."

"No...why on earth would I ever think that?"

"I am here...that says it all. I come here after every mission...even if you are asleep...most times you never know. Once you were not even in country and I... just sat here and drank up your essence...everything...about...you."

"More likely that you drank up all my good Scotch."

"Why are you so stubbornly beautiful?"

"What? Bond...I want you to answer this very carefully. Did you break in here when my husband was alive?"

"Yes."

"Christ Bond! What the hell were you thinking! Did he ever catch you?"

"No."

"I should fire you here and now."

"But you won't...you love me...admit it."

"I WILL NOT!"

"Come on M...admit it...you can't resist me."

"You truly overestimate your abilities where I'm concerned 007."

Bond let's go of her hands...looking forlorn and suddenly interested is staring at her bare feet crossed under her chair.

"I thought you would...the alcohol made me...I was brave because of it."

M's concerned now...she shakes her hands free and stands up to clean the plates, cups and saucers. The best way to ignore the increasing tension of the moment.

As M deposits the dishes in the sink she feels the sudden warmth of him behind her. She inhales and stiffens straight scared of what may happen next.

"James you may stay over. It will be safer if you wait until morning and sober. I will get you a blanket and sheet for the sofa."

Bond's arms snake around her waist and he presses up against M's back. Her breath involuntarily catches in her throat. M closes her eyes...momentarily enjoying the feeling of him pressed up against her.

Bond will not remember everything or she can easily explain away any delay in her separation from his body heat. It is the wonderful sensation of encompassing warmth and one which she's been missing for quite some time.

"007 please move away...I am immune to your charms... and far too old for you to be playing with."

"You are not old and I have never wanted or needed any woman more than I need you...M...M...I love you. After...after Vesper died...you in the snow...standing like an angel to save me from myself. I never left you...I said... I never left but what I meant was I never left YOU. I will...never...ever...leave...you."

M turns to look at him finally after hearing what he said. Bond is still touching her. In all the years she has know him this is the first time he has touched her for any prolonged period.

M pulls his hands off her hips and then places one hand on his chest to keep him from leaning towards her. Bond's trying to bloody well kiss her. M moves her head from side to side diverting in advance of his presently uncoördinated lips.

This is getting ridiculous. "BOND! Will you stop that nonsense and let me go make up the sofa for you. I would like to get a little sleep tonight."

"M...I want you...you must want me...let me…"

M extricates herself from his grasp and moves to the door of the kitchen. She is getting angry now.

"NO! Stay here!"

M quickly moves upstairs to the linen closet and grabs the first items she can find. She flustered and doesn't trust him not to follow her up here and try to maneuver her into bed.

Bond is going to feel like a class A idiot tomorrow not to mention hung over.

M comes down to the living room and begins making the sofa. Bond is still leaning up against the kitchen door frame...just watching her.

"Come on then... bed's made."

Bond moves into the room and removes his suit jacket, tie and unbuttoned his shirt. He toes off his shoes and socks and pauses to look at her with a smirk.

Bond exaggeratedly, removes his shirt exposing his chest to her with a wink.

"Like what you see M?"

M scoffs, "Bond, you never saw my husband in his youth...you cannot compare."

This is not completely the truth but he will never know. Nigel was taller than Bond and very handsome with his thick dark curls.

Bond frowns and opens his belt. He looks back up to her to make sure M is watching as his trousers hit the floor. It would have been the ultimate finale of his seduction act had he not been so drunk that he tripped over them as he tries to step out of them.

M begins to chuckle at him as he falls on the sofa. In the last moments of his barely controlled stumble Bond's hand lashes out and grabs M's arm pulling her towards him and off-balance.

M lands atop Bond's chest with a shocked look on her face. She immediately pushes up off his chest to try to get up. Bond pulls her closer….always one to take advantage of any situation he pulls her into a kiss.

Now if this had been Nigel...drunk and acting like this she would have humoured him with a kiss but then laughed and told him to go to sleep.

Even if M admits that she has always wanted to be kissed by Bond she would never have wanted him stinking drunk and tasting like a distillery, toast and tea.

Fantasy always allows for the perfect situation and the perfect ambiance for seduction.

Not the smelly, booze addled reality that presents itself to her now. M pulls away. Bond's actions have forced her to punish him.

M does not want to be cruel but Bond has always required a firmer hand then most.

M slaps him once she manages to pull away...hard to do because of the angle of her body lying partly on his chest and part on the floor.

M stands and straightens her pyjama top. Thank god she is not wearing the slip she wore the evening before last. Tonight she has mens style silk pyjamas that are dark grey in colour.

"Stop that! Good night Bond, go to sleep."

Bond looks up at her with what can only be called puppy dog eyes. "M...I would like a dozen more of your kisses goodnight."

"Bond I did not kiss you...you kissed me and I will excuse it only because of the drink. I will not argue with a drunk man and you and I will be discussing this tomorrow."

"If you are not going to argue then come here...get back on top of me….kiss me...dozens more...times. I can make you feel like a million... M"

M turns and walks to the stairs. Christ she bets he could...even in his diminished state.

M is too old and too bloody tired for this.

James Bond is not her lover he's her killer.

M goes to the bathroom and takes in her disheveled appearance. It makes her begin to laugh...imagine if Nigel had still been alive. They would have laughed about this...he may have even been jealous had Bond come here to seduce her while drunk.

M climbs back into bed and quickly falls to sleep...she dreams of her husband and his anger at her with a drunk agent in their home.

The alarm rudely intrudes on her sleep as M stumbles into the shower. She is applying her makeup in her dressing gown when she remembers that there may still be a drunk agent on her sofa.

M hears a noise on the stairs and her spine stiffens...he wouldn't dare...would he?

Bond knocks at her door and then opens it as she whirls around.

"Bond! Really! Why are you barging into my room?"

"M...I needed to see if you were alright. I didn't hurt you last night did I?"

M relaxes as she sees the desperate look of worry on the poor boy's face.

"No Bond...you did not but you did force a kiss on me and that is never acceptable."

As M predicted Bond paled as the realization hits him what he actually did 5 hours earlier.

"No it isn't...I am sorry M." Bond moves further into her room. M's confusion must be evident on her face because he quickly grasps her hand and brings it to his lips.

"I knew you would never allow me to kiss you so I pushed you...I know it was wrong but I really wanted a kiss. I was a brute but I would very much like to kiss you again."

"Bond? What is going on with you?"

"I think I am in love."

"You think...well that is not very concrete...am I to believe that I am the subject of this love."

"Yes...I know I am in love with you. Is that more acceptable?"

"Not at all...nor is you being in here with me in nothing but a dressing gown. Bond... this **will **not be happening again… will it?"

Bond frowns. "That depends M...maybe you will invite me in sometime."

M scoffs, "Bond I should fire you for this...you do understand that you are risking your career."

"Yes and I don't bloody well care!"

"Bond! After all you worked for...after all our training?"

"Nothing compares to you M."

"Are you still drunk?"

"Perhaps a little but still willing to admit that I broke into your flat because I wanted to make love to you."

"As if?"

"Yes...and I use make love in all seriousness M...I have never made love to a woman in my life...Vesper may have been the closest but our coupling always seemed desperate and fast...likely because it was fleeting and she bloody well knew it."

"So you think you want to make love to your boss? Believe it or not Bond you are not the first agent fascinated by the authoritative woman in your life."

"No...did any of them...succeed M?"

"WHAT! No...believe this or not but I was happily married and I did not ever bring **work** home with me in that regard. You...you are the only agent that has ever intruded on my home without invitation but that stops here."

"M...please...I said I was sorry. What is wrong with me checking up on you once in a while?"

"Bond...no it is inappropriate. What if my gentleman friend was here...it would have been a disaster."

M is not seeing anyone but Bond does not need to know that and he needs shocking... into correcting his inappropriate behaviour.

"M? Who?"

"You do not need to know."

Bond grabs her arms and turns from very shocked, to looking very vicious and intense. "WHO?"

"BOND! LEAVE NOW!"

Bond looks shocked by her outburst and by what he has done. He releases her arms and moves to her door. He glances back at her looking devastatingly hurt.

"I will wait for you downstairs M. Or do you want me out?"

M softens. "Bond...go home...get some sleep and report to me later today. Call Tanner to make an appointment."

Bond holds her eyes for a moment and then leaves her room, closing the door. M released the breath she was holding. Her heart is pounding in her chest. Christ this is bloody ridiculous.

Bond could have hurt her...she really should reprimand him but the look in his eyes...the pain...he was viciously angry that she claimed having a lover.

M will speak to the psychologist today. Bond may be too dangerous to keep in country long if he continues to engage in this fantasy that she will become his lover.

M feels sick. If only their lives could be simple enough to act on these feelings.

Unfortunately that is not the world they live in. _Quiet desperation...is the English way._

M could deny it and sweep it all under the rug but then he will continue to break in.

James Bond is a fine tuned weapon that needs sex and danger to live. M cannot be that outlet for him. No matter how much she may want to be.

M will chew him out at work and give him horrible tasks as punishment. Bond will not dare come here again and he will eventually move on from his infatuation with her.

This is the only logical solution and very practical.

Seriously, what could possibly go wrong?

Considering continuing from James' point of view and calling it *BURN*

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Please let me know if you feel I should give it a go...it is always nice to get reviews.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the inspiration. liz1967; Lilibet; detectivecaz

Burn:

Bond stumbles through security in London. The perks of having the special indicator on his passport.

Bond will just stop for another drink in the bar…it's getting late.

The mission...he needs to tell M about it. He needs to see her...badly but he knows he shouldn't...M will be angry. So he will stall here in the bar...try to find a flexible stewardess to lose himself in...just to try to stay away from her.

Collateral damage…"see how well your charms work"...that is what she said to him...all that time ago in Bolivia. Bond manages to send her a text...to see if she will respond.

**Disappointment.**

There is a burning sensation bubbling from his guts into his chest...why can't he stop thinking about her?

She is so...so...frustratingly not his type...wait...he doesn't really have a type. Bonds drink addled brain begins to ponder his usual fare.

They are usually beautiful...but so is M.

**Hot.**

Some are intelligent...M has them all beat.

**Scintillating.**

They try to please him...M doesn't give a rats ass if he's pleased.

**Disintrest.**

They try to look good for him to gain his attention...M always looks good, but she could care less if he even sees her.

**Crimson.**

Once they meet him the women make sure to be where they know he will be...to be seen by him...M goes out of her way to avoid the aggravation of seeing him...according to Tanner.

**Teasing.**

Those women make sure there are no obstacles between Bond and them...to spend some alone time...M loves to have others contact him or deal with him.

There are a multitude of obstacles between them...men between them.

M is annoyingly always surrounded by men...towering giants over her small form.

**Corrosive.**

They are often married and he doesn't care...M was married and strangely enough he did care about that particular husband.

**Envy.**

Some of them are spies...M is the queen of spies...she moves spy's around as her own personal chess pieces on the globe.

**Brilliant.**

The latest woman...he tried to save her...she got him into the compound in North Africa and she got shot...another one dead...M will say collateral damage and frown...christ he hopes M never assumes the role of collateral damage.

**Casualty.**

Bond held the woman in his arms as her life ebbed away. She asked him why...and he couldn't answer her.

**War. **

For the safety of the world? For Queen...for country...for M.

Christ Bond wants her.

It took some time...after Mitchell tried to kill her...it took a while for him to understand this anger.

**Love.**

The mission before last...eight months ago it hit him. She was in her office dressed in black...she looked different...something was off.

**Reason.**

There was pain behind her eyes and almost instinctively Bond had no desire to spar with her.

Bond asked her what was wrong...she told him to mind his own business and sent him on his way.

Tanner finally told him.

The husband is dead.

**Widow.**

Months later he returns to engage in their regular banter.

Something has changed...it is subtle and elusive to him.

Hope...happiness is inappropriate...why...is there joy in the passing of an old man he didn't even know?

**Desire.**

M is as hard as nails still...she will never lose her edge and she inspires him never lose his.

Don't get attached. Vesper taught him that. Vesper was his wake up call and M stopped his destructive rampage in losing her by trusting him and slapping his wrists. M held on to his leash but gave him room to run.

**Trust.**

M knows exactly how long and loose to let him run before pulling him back. Her instincts are spot on and he trusts her implicitly.

When not out of county Bond found himself being drawn to her office. Pissing her off to no end but he just wanted to be around her. M thought he was bugging for an assignment due to boredom.

**Magnetism.**

M's ire is like candy to him.

Tanner would just shake his head...he thinks Bond has a death wish.

In a way he does because he can never have what he wants...what does he want?

This question has plagued him since Mitchell pulled that gun on her in that hole underground.

That bastard White is still out there somewhere.

**Frustration.**

What does Bond want? What does he need?

The drink is clouding his mind...dulling his pain. Bond's leg vibrates against the bar stool as he becomes more hyped and anxious for action.

There are no women around that seem remotely able to ease his need.

**Addiction.**

Christ...he knows the one who can but will she?

The weapons trade kingpin he just took down triggered this...urge.

He had a household of hangers-on and his wife. The woman was nearing sixty and he was 49. He sat Bond down and asked him if he knew why he still had the same wife? The old woman many of his business associates called her.

Bond said he didn't know, but the answer is that he knew and trusted her to tell him the truth and kick his ass every once in a while and that was sexier than any of the vacuous bimbos that he occasionally took to bed. The younger women bore him and his wife couldn't if she tried.

He always went back to her.

Bond ended up using one of his women and she was sweet but could never fulfill anything more than momentary physical release...and then she died.

Bond made sure the wife survived. She lives, but she is a widow now...like M.

**Understanding.**

Bond throws some cash on the bar and leaves...the cab takes him to her house.

It is this bravado, alcohol and ego that inspires him as he stumbles into her sitting room.

No woman can resist his charms...he has pushed M in the past...invaded her home...hacked her file. She did refer to him as a blunt instrument…no other discipline.

Bond may be a blunt instrument but he is M's blunt instrument and he is dying to show her how he uses his tools.

Deep down M, who many assume is made up of five feet of direful ice...loves him...she must or he would have been fired long ago.

Women love him...this has been the case since he was young...it is just a fact.

Bond drops a glass accidentally on purpose to wake sleeping beauty. God knows if he did it the way he wanted... by properly kissing her...Bond could very well take a bullet for his troubles.

Bond makes the most of gathering a dustpan and broom when she makes her way downstairs. M's face is angry and adorably sexy...rumpled and furious with a bloody pistol in her hand.

M looks as Bond imagines she would in the morning after a night in his arms.

M yells and Bond plays apologetic…tells her she is sexy and he wants her because she is always on his mind but it all comes out jumbled...she is not buying it.

**Age.**

M tells him it is inappropriate...he doesn't care what anyone else says.

Obviously M does.

**Authority.**

Is it wrong? Is this a deep-seated perversion that makes Bond's blood run hot when M's angry and riled up?

Bond follows her to the kitchen and she starts to feed him like a bloody child!

No...this is not how it's supposed to go...she can't see him as a son...a SON!

**Mother.**

Bond eats...drinks her tea and stares at her profile...if she would let him into her bed...this would be what he would see when he awoke and turned his head to look at her.

His charms are useless…Bond asks to sleep with her...asks to make love to her...he explains why he breaks in...how long he has held these desires for her.

Bond moves behind her and embraces her back...it doesn't last bloody long enough. Bond sniffs her hair and tries to get a peek down her top. He wants to cup her…

M elbows him away and turns to look at him.

M asks about his breaking in...about her husband.

The flash of anger in her eyes makes him want to ravage her here on the kitchen table.

Instead he grabs her hand...it is all he dare manage.

**Wife.**

Bond tells her that he loves her.

M thinks the idea is absurd.

M makes him a bed.

Bond strips for her.

M laughs at him but he manages to pull her down on top of him. He manages to capture her lips for a time...not bloody long enough!

**Sex.**

M slaps him...not hard but enough to put him in his place.

He asks for more kisses but he is getting tired…very tired...he has been up over 24hrs.

**Pain.**

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**Regret.**

The next morning Bond wakes on the sofa as he hears water running upstairs.

He is dry and his head hurts.

Bond did not recall...he remembers pieces but not all.

Bond has some water and waits until he hears the water end upstairs. He needs to speak to M find out if she is alright...he remembers desire...needing to see her so badly.

**Fear.**

Bond knocks at her door and then opens it as she whirls around.

"Bond! Really! Why are you barging into my room?"

"M...I needed to see if you were alright. I didn't hurt you last night did I?"

"No Bond...you did not but you did force a kiss on me and that is never acceptable."

**Self-loathing.**

Bond feels sick. The realization of what he did 5 hours earlier come into focus.

"No it isn't...I am sorry M." Bond moves further into her room M looks confused, he quickly grasps her hand and brings it to his lips. He played his hand too soon. Damn it!

"I knew you would never allow me to kiss you so I pushed you...I know it was wrong but I really wanted a kiss. I was a brute but I would very much like to kiss you again."

"Bond? What is going on with you?"

**Confession.**

"I think I am in love."

Shit! Bond knows he is.

"You think...well that is not very concrete...am I to believe that I am the subject of that love."

"Yes...I know I am in love with you. Is that more acceptable?"

Proof...he spoke it out loud and sober...this is real now.

**Rejection. **

"Not at all...nor is you being in here with me in nothing but a dressing gown. Bond this will not be happening again… will it?"

Bond frowns. "That depends M...maybe you will invite me in sometime soon."

**Pushing.**

M scoffs, "Bond I should fire you for this...you do understand that you are risking your career."

"Yes and I don't bloody well care!"

"Bond! After all you worked for...after all our training?"

"Nothing compares to you M."

"Are you still drunk?"

"Perhaps a little but still willing to admit that I broke into your flat because I wanted to make love to you."

**Avoidance.**

"As if?"

Bond knew she would protest it...find it illogical.

"Yes...and I use make love in all seriousness M...I have never made love to a woman in my life...Vesper may have been the closest but our coupling always seemed desperate and fast...likely because it was fleeting and she bloody well knew it."

**Taunting.**

"So you think you want to make love to your boss? Believe it or not Bond you are not the first to be fascinated by the authoritative woman in your life."

"No...did any of them…"

**Anger.**

Who were they? Are they still at work? Are they competition or a threat?

"WHAT! No...believe this or not but I was happily married and I did not ever bring work home with me in that regard. You...you are the only agent that has ever intruded on my home without invitation but that stops here."

**Pleading.**

"M...please...I said I was sorry. What is wrong with me checking up on you once in a while?"

Bond needs to be around her...it is becoming overwhelmingly obvious to him, that he's obsessed.

"Bond...no it is inappropriate. What if my gentleman friend was here...it would have been a disastrous night."

Bond's shocked. What the hell! She is seeing someone.

NO!

"M? Who?"

"You do not need to know."

Yes he bloody well does!

Bond grabs her arms and turns her to look into her eyes.

**Fire.**

"WHO?"

He looks down at her arm and appearance of fear in her beautiful blue eyes.

"BOND! LEAVE NOW!"

**Pain.**

Bond releases her arms and moves to her door. He glances back at her hoping he has not managed to ruin this. Bond couldn't survive it if he destroy this relationship.

This relationship is the most important relationship since his parents died...and not because he wants a replacement for his mother.

**Acceptance.**

"I will wait for you downstairs M. Or do you want me out?"

Please...please give him an sign that he has not completely destroyed this...

**Relationship.**

"Bond...go home...get some sleep and report to me later today. Call Tanner and make an appointment for debrief."

M softened...still, he did not play this well. Alcohol inspired and destroyed this mission...the most important mission.

Bond leaves and gets a cab home with bile rising.

A burning sensation...what if he has ruined any chance...how can he make her see.

Bond wants to know who she is seeing...perhaps Tanner knows.

Bond reaches his flat and goes online to order her a dozen red roses to her office. He hopes this will smooth over any rough spots between them before he goes in for debrief.

**Beseech.**

So very stubborn...M...stubborn, beautiful, sexy but she would never admit or acknowledge these things...back to the stubborn again…

M is unlike any other woman he has ever been around.

All the women that flock to him want him to acknowledge and be told how beautiful they are. Vesper loved hearing it and damn well knew she was. That is why she was a perfect mole...a beautiful traitor.

M would never be a traitor and M would rather no one even consider her a woman at all.

**Loss.**

Bond's guts are in knots...who is M seeing? The bottle on the table before him is now half empty.

How could he not have noticed...how good an actress is she?

What is he going to do now?

Bond needs a plan. He needs to fix this mess, keep his job and get the girl from whomever...the man who has the audacity to date the love of his life.

If not...he might as well...

**Burn….**


	3. Chapter 3

Holidays

The next few dismal days go by with Bond attempting to see M...alone at some point. M has other plans and avoids him like the plague.

Bond visits Q to begin his probing questions into M's love life. Q has been around as long if not longer than M and knew her husband. Q does not think she is seeing anyone.

M is being very secretive.

Tanner accompanies Bond to lunch because he needs a well planted ally other than Q.

"This is unusual Bond...why the invitation?"

"Tanner I am having girl trouble and I need an outsiders opinion."

"You're joking...you, girl trouble?"

"I made an absolute ass of myself by showing up at her flat drunk out of my mind because she is all I can think about."

"Wow...really...sounds like a teenaged crush to me."

"Yes...I know what it seems like. She kicked me out...she was right to do it...I was in no shape and I tipped my hand."

"She didn't know you liked her? That does not sound like you 007. I've never know you to be anything but blatant."

"No it is more like she refuses to acknowledge that I like her and she has just left a serious long-term relationship."

"Oh...well that usually complicates matters. Why me Bond? I am hardly a ladies man and I know you do not have any problems in that area normally."

"I need a man on the inside and you spend the most time with her alone...you even knew her husband. Q has already been enlisted...she told me she is seeing someone...is it true Tanner?"

Tanner pales as he realizes who Bond is talking about. "M! You have it bad for M!"

"Quiet down...yes. Who else would I be talking about...who could refuse my advances and drive me to distraction."

Looking back on it Tanner shouldn't be surprised. Bond flirts with her constantly...he always assumed he was trying to rile her up and toss her off-guard.

"I don't know if I can or even should help you Bond."

"Why not?"

"I don't want M hurt...I don't want you to seduce her...get her into bed and then walk away with a smile on your face...bragging to everyone in earshot that you got her...you know...in that way...in bed."

Now Tanner's head is full of images that he never asked for, of Bond and M rolling around in bed together.

"You think I would do that to M? Really? I never realized you felt I would behave that way...I will be leaving now."

"Bond...stop! You are deadly serious aren't you?"

"Is there any other way for a 00 to be?"

"No...I guess not. The answer is no. I do not think M is seeing anyone. Nigel's death hit her very hard. She hid it well and M dove into her work...it is all she does. Work go home and repeat."

"So there is no gentleman friend?"

"Not that I know of...unless you count the brother in-law that she sees on occasion."

"You don't think that she and him?"

"I can't say...I don't know. Sorry I could not be of more help."

"Just keep your ears open. I will woo her yet."

"You said she kicked you out...have you been breaking into her flat again?"

"You knew about that?"

"She told me years ago...so that someone else would know at work incase you...well you know…"

"Know what...she thought I would go insane and kill her?"

"You are a 00 and she was slightly concerned in the beginning. To be honest your missions did not go well. Hell, you quit during the first one after you almost died and received torture from Le Chief."

"I know...I was a bloody idiot...just like I was the other night."

"Did you only admit your feelings for her because of the drink Bond?"

"It inspired me but...I have harboured these feelings for her."

"So it seems. What are your plans Bond?"

"I don't know...seduce her, spend time with her, learn everything about her. Isn't that what relationships are?"

"Perhaps not in that order Bond. With M you should go easy on the seduction and do the other parts first. I don't just mean for you to take a look at her file...actually get to know her...what her hobbies are if any...that sort of thing. Her favourite flowers are lilies and she does like sweets...she sneaks them from time to time. I have made it a habit to have a box on hand."

"I knew speaking with you would bring me some insight Tanner, thanks."

"Bond...don't hurt her...don't play with her emotions or I swear to god I will hurt you."

Bond raises his eyebrows in shock at the venom in Tanner's tone.

"Wouldn't dream of it Bill. You have my word."

"Good...don't cock this up Bond. You will only ever get one chance with her."

"Don't say that...I think I used up my only chance the other night."

"Good luck then...It may already be too late."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

December 24th.

Bond is off on mission for the next few weeks. As the calendar creeps closer to the holidays. Bond has meticulously planned a surprise for M...dinner gifts...seduction. He breaks into her flat Christmas eve and decorates for her.

M returns to her flat to smell food...what in hell? Bond rounds the corner with an apron on. You could not have shocked her more...she cannot seem to move or make a response at all.

"M...before you freak out and yell this is an apology dinner. I thought I would do something nice for you, here let me take your coat."

M allows a smiling James Bond to remove her coat as she moves into her flat...there are candles lit on the table and soft music playing. The food smells wonderful and her stomach grumbles. Bond moves to the table and pours her a glass of wine.

M still looks completely shocked as he moves towards her with a glass. there are decorations hanging around her sitting room and dining room. Bond hands her the glass as he leans down and kisses her on the lips.

"Mistletoe...M."

M looks above her to see the green sprig of excuse to kiss the boss in her own home. M does not know if she should feel grateful or furious.

"Bond! What on earth!"

"Before you erupt M...I just wanted to do something nice for you on Christmas."

Bond guides her to her chair and seats her as he moves back into the kitchen. Bond brings out a small turkey, vegetables...even gravy and fresh rolls. He ducks back into her kitchen and returns no longer wearing her apron but his suit jacket.

"I don't know what to say James?"

"Don't say anything M...just enjoy the meal. We can talk later."

They eat and M is amazed at how well he can cook. The entire time his motivation swirls through her mind...along with the last time he broke in here professing his love for her.

"Bond...is this to make up for the last time you broke in?"

"Yes and no M. I am sorry I did that drunk, but I am not sorry I was finally brave enough to admit that I want you."

"Oh...I see. That has not gone away yet?"

"No...I don't think there is chance of that unless a you have a complete memory wipe done on me."

"I think I may have Q whip something up."

"M...really? Do you really not want me? Even in the deep recesses of any fantasy you have ever had about me?"

"Bond...what about.."

"No...don't M. Tonight I am a suitor...not your employee...not a 00 agent. I am a man who could not think of anyone he would rather spend Christmas with. I noticed that your children were not coming...I checked your calendar with Tanner. You and I are alone...on Christmas and that is always depressing. So if anything...this will be a nice diner, in pleasant company and we will not be lonely."

"I suppose. Do you really think this is proper?"

"M...don't. Just be a woman...not my infuriating sexy boss for a moment."

"I will try...but what do we talk about? The lack of snow?"

"Yes we could...but that is not what I want to talk about."

M frowns, "Bond you know I don't want to discuss us. There is no us...in the sense that you want there to be. I want you to stop...don't make this all nice and lovely to make me comfortable and then try to seduce me. I don't want you to...let us enjoy this lovely meal and chat about life and say goodnight and Merry Christmas."

"Of course M. I agree there is no need to fear. I will just enjoy our company to prove it is more than just physical gratification I want from you. I have always wanted more with you...more than with other women. I understand...you don't feel that way...about me...I would be lying if I said I everything is OK and it can go back to the way it was."

"It's changed...yes I know and I am sorry...James...I...well I feel...as if I am too old now."

"How can you say that M?"

"It's hard James...to be married...have a family and then watch him die."

"I'm sorry...you have never spoken about him...I guess the assumption I made was that you did not love him."

M looks taken aback by this. "Why...why would you assume that? I could not talk of him...brag about his accomplishments or our children's...it was for their protection."

"I know...it was just easier for me to justify my pursuit of you regardless of your marriage. I guess I hoped and dreaded that you would be like the others...that you would pursue me if I made myself available to you."

"Is that why you broke in here?"

"Yes."

"Why did you dread...you did not want me to come after you? I am afraid I don't understand? If you wanted me...they why would you be afraid of that?"

Bond palms his face in exasperation. "I don't know if I can adequately explain it...I wanted you...badly but if you had cheated on your husband...it would have made you less of what I thought you are...less of what I truly wanted from you."

"Which is?"

"All of you."

"All of me?"

"I know...it is too much. I think I understand that a bit better now. You are not over him and he was part of your life for a very long time."

"Are we going to be all right Bond?"

"I think we will be M, my feelings are mellowing and will dissipate."

Bond is putting his best act froward...his heart feels like it is being wrung out with the lie he gives her. This is going to take time...she does not want him so he has to turn away.

"What is this morphing into Bond?"

"A friendship...I would like to hear about your husband...if you are willing to tell the tale."

It is far easier to divert to something different. Even if discussing the man who shared a lifetime in her bed will make Bond imagine himself in his place.

M is cautious...but smiles and begins to discuss part of her life that she usually keeps hidden from all at work.

"What would you like to know? You have seen the photos...he was a tall handsome man...his chestnut curls were always a mess...I loved to play with them."

M cradles her wine glass in her hand and gets a far away look in her eyes...as if going back in time. Bond watches intently listening...trying to understand her better to know her...what she likes...who and how she loved. Insight into the woman behind M.

"So you were blonde...and both your children have the dark hair of their father?"

"Yes...they both got his good looks."

"I think your daughter is very much like her beautiful mother."

"Well...even so...she is married so please don't do…"

"M...I would never...she is not the Mansfield that I want."

"Bond...I thought we were moving beyond this?"

"Sorry M...over time it will lessen. I will still be a thorn in your side and you will fade into the annoying mean boss...eventually."

M's saddened suddenly, it was nice to feel desired even with it being entirely inappropriate and wrong.

"Good that is as it should be. You deserve a relationship one day Bond...even children. I was horribly sorry about Vesper."

"Yes...so was I."

"You loved her deeply didn't you."

"I thought I did...she actually...well she didn't take my shit...called me on it and still thought I was a good man."

M just stares at him...unable to say anything and he stares back...with such a look of longing that it almost breaks her heart. She can feel her eyes begin to water for the woman who could have...should have been Bonds...Vesper saw through the killer and saw the good man just like...M does.

The exact moment M realizes why Bond loved Vesper crosses her face in amazement that transforms to doubt and concern as her eyes meet his.

Bond smiles a wan smile as he looks down at his now empty plate. He speaks very quietly but she still hears him...his face displays the truth even if his eyes now refuse to meet hers.

"She was a pale version of...you."

It hangs in the air between them. Why did she not see this before...perhaps...perhaps she does ignore things she does not want to acknowledge.

"James...I...I think I will clean up from this amazing dinner. Thank you so much for taking the time to make it."

M begins to clear the table and Bond stands to join her. She instinctively places a hand on his chest to stop him...she looks up at him about to speak as he inhales an unsteady breath from her touch. Bond looks raw...about to crack or pounce.

M pulls her hand away quickly. "Don't worry...sit...I will clean this. Would you like some tea or coffee?"

Bond still stares at her with all his thoughts screaming internally...I want you...I want you...please...M...please.

M does not want him.

Say something...anything but hounding her about why...why can't she love him...why does she care about the aged difference...why isn't she over him...can she grow to love him?

"Tea...would be nice."

M is striving for normalcy...too overwhelmed by the intensity of Bond's feelings for her.

There is no...he's just drunk excuse...he actually loves her or has deluded himself into thinking he does...she needs space...she needs him gone...but that would be rude...he did break in...not invited...nothing of this was by her invitation.

"You move to the sitting room and I will make it. Put on some music if you like."

M ducks into the kitchen and breathes a sigh of relief at being alone. The tears she held back earlier begin to tumble-down her cheeks as she busied herself with the mundane chores of cleaning and making tea. She will let the pots soak...she loads the dishwasher and gathers the tray for tea.

Christ...he loves her...she can't believe it...but this is far harder for him than she thought...he will go through the motions of getting on...knowing that she has denied him. What choice did she have? She never thought that he would be this serious...how could she a woman in her later 60's even entertain the thought?

M must remain steadfast and the same...it won't do to coddle him and he will heal and move on eventually...it will be for the best...yes the best. Bond must stop breaking in to her flat.

M joins him on the sofa with tea...instead of music he has a movie on...a light hearted one...good...they both need it.

M realizes that they both need something from the other. Therein lies the crux of the problem. What does each of them need?

Bond needs her trust...love and acceptance, only some of that M can give him... and M needs his obedience and...and...she needs him to survive.

"So tell me more about Nigel...how did you meet...was it love at first sight?"

"I met him in the university library...he helped me reach a book off the top shelf. I did think him smart and handsome...he told me it was love at first sight for him. He was really very suave...he invited me for tea...which he insisted he made better than any tea shop in his room."

"So you fell for that right away? M...I'm shocked."

"Well, as I said...he was charming, smart and handsome."

"What happened in his room?"

"We chatted...drank tea…"

"By the lovely shade of red you are turning I think some more went on than just that."

"Bond really...I never...we kissed."

"That is all?"

"YES...that was all….what did you expect that I would hook up with him and exchange numbers hoping he might call me again sometime...I was not like that...it was the 60's after all and not all of us were into the free love and expression part of that decade. Britain was still very conservative at its core."

"I am not judging M...I would have pursued you regardless...I am sure Nigel would have chased you anyway."

"That is enough about Nigel...we married had two children so that it looked like we were a normal family when really I was a spy and he was a writer and oft-times a professor."

"But you loved each other...stayed together all those years."

"Yes but it was hardly perfect...we did fight...there were affairs...we stayed together out of habit and my need for a pedestrian life to disguise my true job."

"Affairs! Really?"

"Before you get your pants in a bunch...it was not me...I didn't have the luxury of spare time as I climbed the levels of MI6."

"M...there is always time to quickly duck into the supply closets...and with all those agents over the years...you never."

"BOND! No...are you trying my patience on purpose...I suppose you could argue your case with more alacrity if I had."

"Yes well...I am no saint so I assume everyone has the same predispositions as I...apparently Nigel did...more the fool him."

"I was no prize wife Bond...never home...leaving him with all the domestic duties and two children."

"Still...was it really all bad."

"God no...and...well we worked it out."

"What were you going to say?"

"Nothing…"

"You are turning bright red...were you going to tell me about your sex life?"

"Yes and then I thought better of it."

"We are trying to develope a new sort of relationship M...a friendship. Do not be afraid to tell me anything….details of your sex life...hell you have had to listen in to mine enough times."

"True but I do not feel comfortable...with..."

"Oh...don't change because you are scared you will make me think of you in a different light...I am no one to judge. I do have a question...are you seeing anyone...really? You implied you were but Tanner and Q have told me no"

"You've checked up on me?"

"Yes...I...well you know when one develops a crush...they want to know everything."

"No...I exageratted...It was a what if I had a gentleman friend over situation. I am not over Nigel yet...and have little time for a social life...I like that work keeps me busy...it distracts."

"You are not opposed to the idea completely are you M?"

"No...but Bond. I will choose a man closer to my age...with similar life experiences."

"We have those."

"You know what I mean, Bond. You will find a beautiful young lady and quickly forget this infatuation Bond...and that is how it should be. I am afraid I am going to have to call it a night...I am tired and your turkey is making me doubly so."

"Yes...thank you M...for being so honest with me. I look forward to this...better understanding and friendship."

"Me too Bond...but don't break into my house again...it has to stop."

"After that dinner...I thought I had managed an exemption on that M."

"No...you have not but before you go...wait here."

M disappears in the kitchen as Bond puts on his jacket and stands under the mistletoe...on purpose.

M comes out with a foil wrapped package. "Leftovers...I cannot manage the lot on my own."

"Thank you M...I had a wonderful time."

M looks up and sees the mistletoe and Bond smirking at her. "Come on M...its tradition."

M stands on her tip toes and plants a kiss to his lips. Bond wraps his hand around her head and holds her there...probing her mouth for entry. M pulls back shocked.

"Bond!"

"Sorry M...couldn't resist. Merry Christmas M."

M laughs, as she swats his arm. "Merry Christmas James."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Six months later.

M and Bond manage a peaceful...if not contrived professional relationship and not at all comfortable despite their attempts to make it so.

Damn it! M feels as though she needs to dress differently on days when they will meet. That does not always work out as he oft makes surprise appearances to cajole her and Tanner into joining him for lunch.

Tanner understands he is there as the chaperone...Tanner knows too bloody much. M knows that their meetings are laced with inner meaning. The flirting has not decreased, but then that in itself would be unusually abnormal. The two of them are all about keeping this...relationship normal.

M still feels uncomfortable around Bond. This is a problem that they never had before, when M knew his place in her life. When Bond was her employee but now what is he? They are not good together...she cannot do this.

M sends Bond on missions, all the long ones...so he will be away from her. M justifies this because he is the best she has and she will use him as she sees fit.

Bond will often look at her and frown...as if knowing she is trying to distance herself from him. The way he looks at her….it squeezes her heart.

Bond is off on a mission the day after their uncomfortable lunch. He is will a gorgeous blonde woman who he is going to take to bed shortly.

The woman is in the bathroom and Bond checks his mobile to see if M contacted him. His thumb hovers over the button to call her...Carol-Anne enters the room...she saunters over to Bond and begins kissing him...Bond fans his arm out to place the mobile on the bedside table pressing the call feature accidentally.

M enters her flat as her mobile rings...it's Bond. "Hello…"

_Ahhh….ahhh...yes...oh….yes….oh….James….James!_

"James?"

_You are so beautiful….mmmm….M….want you so bad….M...yes._

_James….James!_

_Mmmm…..christ M….yes!_

Bond called her to listen to this!

"What the hell Bond!"

James hears a voice...quickly he grabs the mobile, "Oh shit!"

"James...why did you call out M?"

That is the last thing M hears over the connection before the call is disconnected.

M frowns down at her mobile, "so much for his pretence of just remaining friends."

Bond is not moving on...even with another, younger woman under him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Two day later...Bond is missing. There is no body but he's presumed dead. M feels numb…

Weeks pass...M wanders in a state of numb regret, distracted and so full of remorse. She loved him...damn it all...she just refused to let herself love him the way he needed her too.

Now it is too late.

M stands in line absently staring at a tin of soup in the grocery. Lost in thought...lost in...everything.

"You are far too lovely a lady to be concerned with the fat content in that soup."

"What….sorry?"

M turns to see a tall older gentleman looking down on her with an amused look.

"I can tell that you are lost in thought my dear...so here is one more for you to process. Come to dinner with me and put that god awful soup down."

A laugh escapes M's mouth before she can stop it. "Is this how you approach all the women in the grocery?"

"No...I've never done it before but there you are...looking lost and lovely. I just got brave I guess, I wanted to be a knight in shining armour for a lovely woman lost amongst the soup."

"Well then I guess I should go with you to eat then."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Two months later Bond turns up in Australia in hospital with memory issues. M takes the private jet to collect him...hoping that he remembers her but not in the way he did before.

M has a new relationship and she is just feeling her way with this new situation. Jason is a lovely kind man...who treats her very nicely. M is playing it close to her chest. The act that is required to maintain her outwardly normal appearance is a constant strain.

The newly widowed status gives M an excuse and leeway when he tries to get too close. The question is, why is she holding back?

James Bond...her grief and now he is alive...her heart soars in relief. This is all very difficult for her to process and admit to herself. M is in love with James Bond but it was not meant to be.

The plane lands and M makes her way to the hospital. She walks to Bond's floor after speaking with the doctor in the guise of Bond's aunt...mother was just not feasible considering the convoluted past between them.

The doctor tells her that Bond's memory returned and that he has a group of followers amongst the female staff. M smirks and nods in understanding. Bond's memory returned in the last two weeks of his convalescence.

M approaches the door to his room and hears a woman's voice from within, she pauses and listens.

_So you get to leave soon love._

_Yes...will you miss me?_

_What do you think? _

The sound of giggles and the inevitable kissing sounds.

_So there is no one back in England...no woman that holds sway over you?_

_Other than my boss...no….no one does._

_Are you certain because I would hate to move all the way there and find you have a string of women that show up at your flat...ex-wives...lovers._

_There was a woman once but she died...my work it is busy and keeps me travelling. Not many would put up with that._

_So there is no one that will come between us? I am truly the luckiest woman in the world._

M hears them giggle and considers it prudent to get a cup of tea and have someone announced that his aunt Emma is here to collect him...she doesn't want to disturb Bond and his new woman.

M returns to the nurses station with her tea when she hears a nurse saying, "Oh are you here to see James?"

"Yes...I am."

The older head nurse guides her into the room and she experiences some pleasure in the happy surprise James shows at her appearance.

"I will let you two visit and get the doctor to come release you Mr. Bond...we will be in shock at not having to chase nurse Elizabeth out of the room anymore."

Bond blushes and finds the end of his bed more interesting than the eyes of the woman who is his boss.

"They declared you dead...MIA. I never believed that without a body to verify...you are too stubborn to die...especially when I didn't give you permission to do so."

"I would never leave...without seeing...without asking your permission M."

"Glad to hear it...now let's go home."

Bond sleeps most of the journey and fills M in on the details of what happened. He is positive that no secrets left his lips.

M thinks suddenly of that incident when she heard Bond sleep with his mark before his disappearance.

"Good I wouldn't want you shouting out the wrong thing in the most inopportune moments...It would be as bad as you calling the wrong name out in bed."

M laughs at James and he smiles back at her...does she know...Christ she did hear that!

"I understand you have a new girlfriend James. Now that is fine and good but be careful how much you share with her."

"I will...why the lecture M? Jealous? Did you always watch out for what you said to your husband?"

"Jealous...Bond please. Yes you know bloody well that I of all people had to be careful with what my family knew!"

"Touch a nerve M?"

"You touching a nerve is hardly anything new so don't flatter yourself. Besides I have a gentleman friend now...you can even inquire with Tanner."

Bond appears shocked but covers it well. "Good for you M...I assume this one is age appropriate and Tanner ran a background check to make sure he doesn't try to kill you?"

"Bond...do you manage a background check on all of yours?"

"No but I can better defend myself than you."

"Now who sounds over protective and jealous."

"M...you know the reason and why must you always push me woman?"

"How else am I going to get what I need out of you if I don't push you?"

"Christ...we had better be talking about work or are we about to join the mile high club M?"

"BOND! How do you manage to twist all my words into something out of a raunchy movie?"

"It's my talent. Is he a good man M?"

"Yes he is. Is she good for you Bond?"

"Elizabeth is the next best thing for what is good for me M."

"That does not sound very flattering for the poor girl...does she know this?"

"This...what...us...I have hinted that there is someone...but that she died."

"There is no us...007, you know this by now."

"Fine! I see were are still in the denial phase of everything remotely romantic."

"This is not a romance...it is and always has been an infatuation...a crush on a mother figure."

Bond palms his face in exasperation...damn the stubborn woman. Being alone with her on this private jet is going to be the death of him...he can smell her perfume...look at her...be in close contact with her...christ he forgot about Elizabeth the second she entered that hospital room.

M does not want to hear about it...she has already moved on and it makes Bond feel frustrated and sick to his stomach. Has she slept with the man...who is he...will her hurt her?

"Why can't we enjoy honest relationships M? They are all born and built on lies...only ours isn't."

"You don't think I lie to you?"

"Do you?"

"Not about anything that counts."

"Good and I never lie to you."

"Good. James, have you moved on? Can you try to find what you need with that seemingly nice girl?"

Bond cannot meet her eyes but then does and as straight as he can he tells her he has moved on. His heart clenches and his stomach rolls but he manages to pull it off.

M gauges his reaction and when she is satisfied with the answer she simply nods and opens her laptop to begin work.

Now M does have something to worry about because after all this...James Bond just lied to her face.

Trust is balancing on the tip of a pin. It is one thing to admit that for the job M has had to lie to Bond...that is expected. For him to claim he never lies to her...and then bloody well do it…

M can't help but feel relieved that the woman will not force him away like Vesper did. But is this more relief because she wants him to still love her best...do what she says first...be the controlling factor in his life?

James Bond opened the genie bottle last Christmas and no matter her internal struggles and protests she has been unable to cork her growing reciprocal feelings for him as a result.

The logical part of her mind took control and when she thought he was dead, she found friendship and romance with another...it is all for the better.

M is too old for passion and James seems to be made of the stuff...the stuff of her deepest darkest fantasies.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

December 24th

There is a Christmas party for Imperial Insurance...MI6, Tanner's idea. In order to allow the family of employees to enjoy a Christmas celebration at work. This is the first one of it's kind.

4 months ago Bond returned home from his injury and his life has changed dramatically. Elizabeth is living in England. Bond has her put up in a small flat...not willing to actually share his because of his job.

It is unusual...being in a relationship and actually having a woman share a small part of his life...in such a way. Elizabeth wants to enjoy dancing at the Christmas party...she wants to meet his coworkers...his friends...his bitch of a boss that calls for him and makes him come running at all hours of the night and day.

Bond is nervous...about her meeting M. Bond and M are in a back to a somewhat normal relationship. They gripe at each other and it is still...somehow the best part of his day. M still has a man in her life...Jason.

Apparently according to Tanner she meet him in the grocery...a few days after Bond went missing. The time he was away apparently made her fall for an age appropriate man, who is according to Tanner a smashing gentleman much like Nigel was.

M seems to give off that fresh relationship glow that initially makes Bond feel...strange….he is occupied with his own woman but still...jealous would be an apt word for his feelings if he is honest with himself.

Bond has not broken in to her house...for a while.

When M came to collect him in Australia the first thing that hit him was her scent...the relief at smelling her fragrance. That is what he missed about staying away from her home.

Elizabeth is a bright, giving woman...kind caring...a nurse who helps people. She is not tough...not a killer...not a spy for another agency or brokering a deal for a lover. If he is careful she may live...not be a casualty of his interest.

The woman is beautiful in her black dress. Elizabeth has a strange notion that the official dress code for Christmas parties is black and red. Bond told her there was no such rule but as the exit the car everyone they see is in those colours.

Elizabeth laughs and tells him she told him so. I feels odd for James to actually have a date to a work function...one that means something to him. He does feel bad that the feelings he has for Elizabeth are...mellowing with time.

James Bond is not the type of man to settle down. Vesper was something...who knows how that would have turned out had she lived. It did help him compartmentalize work and life...but then Vesper knew what he did for a living.

Elizabeth lives in a fantasy that Bond has created around them and it is beginning to show signs of cracking.

Bond has spent the two months in London recuperating from the trauma of memory loss. Elizabeth followed him after a few weeks and is bothering him to move in together...he can't see that happening.

M has avoided him like the plague since his return. Tanner gave him all the information that he and Q have gathered on M's gentleman and everything seems to be in order. Jason will be on M's arm tonight.

Bond can't wait to meet him.

Tanner says hello to Bond and James introduces Elizabeth. They walk into the ballroom together and waiters bring glasses of champagne. The ballroom is lovely and all the people do seem to be wearing red and black.

Elizabeth is pointing that out to James again as a glint of silver catches his eyes.

The sounds of the busy room fade to nothing as he stares across the room at the petite woman in silver from the crop of hair on her head to her toes.

M's dressed in a floor length gown that hugs her curves and it's cut very low in the front. The shimmering fabric flows around her as she moves into the room on the arm of a handsome older gentleman.

"James...earth to James. Who is that woman?"

"That is our boss. M and her new man Jason." Tanner answers for Bond who needs to put his tongue back in his mouth as far as he's concerned.

"Don't mind James Elizabeth, he is usually struck dumb in her presence...they fight like cats and dogs and she never...ever loses."

Elizabeth laughs with Tanner as Bond turns back with a smirk. "I am hardly the only one she treats that way."

"True...and you do fight back more than most...the rest of us are smart enough not to twists the lionesses tail."

"So that is the woman who calls you at all hours and you take off like a man on fire. For an older woman she is stunning. I would love to have cheekbones like that...not to mention the natural...endowments."

James laughs with her and so does Tanner.

"I have always thought that M defies and fights age the way she does everything else in her life. Her new man Jason is a lucky bloke eh Bond?

"Yes...he certainly is."

Tanner smiles and moves off to speak with M. Elizabeth is now looking at Bond in confusion.

"So you have a thing for a woman old enough to be you mother do you?" It's presented in a jovial manner with a hint of question underneath.

"I would be lying if I said I thought she was an old miserable hag and you would not believe that after seeing her like this. A mere **thing** is not what I have for that woman...I assure you my dear."

"Good because I don't want to have to fight her for your attention this evening love and so far your eyes seem to follow her wherever she saunters off too."

"Come dance with me then...you can keep me close and be content with my wonderful dancing abilities."

"You will take me to meet the other woman eventually, right?"

"Certainly and I will meet her handsome new man."

"You and Tanner have both mentioned the new man...has she been divorced long?"

"Widowed...around a year and a half."

Bond thinks back and it is 1 year, 6 months, two weeks and 4 days...since June 6th when Nigel died...on the anniversary of D-day.

The love birds swing around the dance floor as Bond's eyes watch M from a distance...he needs to dance with her...last year they ate at her flat...he surprised her and like scrooge she denied him the gift he wanted.

M is nervous about seeing all the work staff with Jason. She sees Bond and his lady with Tanner when they enter. They are besieged with well wishers upon arrival so small talk and pleasantries will be the death of her this evening.

The entire office will be talking about her romance. Tanner has the where with all to bring her a drink immediately as she's cornered by Q and Mr. Thompson from accounting.

Poor Jason...he is looking around the room at all the people staring at them. She finally manages to grab his arm.

"Sorry...I did warn you this might happen."

"Yes well the entire evening has been a shock since I opened your hotel room door and saw what you are wearing beautiful."

M blushes and hits his arm. "You are an incorrigible flirt."

"I am going to enjoy that fact that we can drink and dance and we have hotel room right here so I can pull you away at any time."

"Jason...very naughty indeed."

"You inspire me love. I have a surprise for you later."

M's brows rise in response. "Really...I am starting to truly enjoy your surprises."

M kept her relationship with Jason platonic for a long time...but one evening he gave her a lovely rose...they danced and it just felt right. It's not all passion and exuberance as in youth but it was nice.

M's concerned that this surprise involve a proposal that she does not want to accept.

M does not want to marry again...ever and Jason has hinted that they are not getting any younger and might as well seize the day.

Bond and Elizabeth eventually make their way over to say hello and introductions are uncomfortably given.

Elizabeth rolls her eyes and excuses herself to the toilets and Bond asks M to dance.

Jason wonders at the uncomfortable interaction and asks Q about it. the two older gentlemen hit it off. Q has great insight into Emma because they have worked together for a very long time.

Jason is not a stupid man and there is something odd about this place of business and how that blond man looks at his girlfriend is not reassuring.

Q tells him that Bond and M fight often but admire and trust each other...exactly how much is what Jason would like to know.

It would not be the first time a younger man has gone after an older woman...and in M's case...physical attraction is not a problem. She is gorgeous and well off financially. It is a wonder no one snatched her up the moment her husband died.

"Lovely dress M...you are an exception to every rule it seems."

"What?"

"Elizabeth told me it is customary for the party goers to wear either red or black and look who is the beacon of silver light for the top of the tree."

"I knew this was a bad idea...I told Tanner it is too dangerous to have a Christmas party with family...pretending to be an insurance company...my silver covered ass."

"Oh now that is a mental image for sure."

"Bond! Behave yourself...you have a woman to warm your bed tonight. Did the two of you check in before you arrived?"

"No we will take a break later and do it then...sneak away for a bit."

M laughs.

"What's so funny M?"

"Nothing...just typical."

"You think I'm typical?"

"Yes."

"I think your man has the same idea as I do."

"Oh I know he has."

"Do tell M?"

"Stop...you have your own exploits to think about...stay out of mine."

"Why are you never any fun M?"

"That's not what Jason says...he thinks I'm fun."

Bond grips her to him tighter and a growl escaped his throat. "M...stop teasing."

"Bond...you are over me and that is hardly teasing...I could be cruel and turn you on leaving you…"

"You always do minx. Remember what we were doing last year at this time. I was desperately trying to get you to give us a chance. What a difference a year makes."

"Yes...now we each have moved on and are finding a proper life for us."

"Proprietary...let's talk about propriety...are you sharing a hotel room M?"

"As if that is any of your business Bond...you will be...I cannot? Why is there a double standard?"

"Because you are better than the rest of us M and I cannot tolerate the thought of another man's hands on you."

"Bond! Enough! I thought you found your Elizabeth and everything was good...as it should be."

"I thought so too. Until now...holding you...smelling your hair...Christ M...you tie me in knots just looking at you. You know this...this is why you avoid me like the plague."

"Bond...I think I had better go see to Jason." M tries to pull away from him.

"Just one bloody dance….is that too much to wish for...it's Christmas M. I got you to kiss me under the mistletoe last year."

"Yes and you pushed too far...just like now."

"You haven't left yet...are you beginning to feel comfortable in my arms."

"Bond...you just never stop...here we are moving on from your invasion of my flat...which I might add you have managed one year without."

"Only because I was gone half of said year with a head injury and long missions."

"The song has ended James and your time is up. Merry Christmas and enjoy what you have...she is a lovely girl."

"Yes girl...they are all girls compared to you."

"Is that a swipe at my age?"

"No, a swipe at their inability to rise to your level of womanhood."

"They?"

"Vesper...Elizabeth any woman I managed to take up against a wall in a public place...any mark you ever sent me to seduce and a few you didn't. They were all a means to an end."

"To what end James?"

"To you."

"I fail to see how working through a great portion of the female gender prepares you for me."

"That is because you are thinking I only want the physical from you. You can never bring yourself to understand that I actually want more from you than any other. That Jason getting this far with you makes me see red and want him dead. I want everything with you and here we are a year later and I still want the same thing for Christmas that I prayed for last year. You."

"That brain damage you suffered must have something to do with it."

Bond laughs as he escorts her back to her man. There will be only one dance with them tonight...to have anything more M would consider improper.

Bond spends the rest of the evening watching M out of the corner of his eye and dancing with Elizabeth. Reassuring her that all is fine and they are having a lovely time, when he knows that soon there will be shouting, tears and a plane ticket back to Australia.

Bond did try...but was not willing to give the girl what she really wants a home family and lovely European vacations. Bond is not husband material.

M leaves with Jason by 11...likely using age as an excuse. Tanner meets Bond's gaze across the room as the boss leaves.

Tanner and Q say goodnight to M and Jason...those two are not under the illusion the rest of the staff has...they know M and her man are going to enjoy themselves in one of their rooms shortly and they, like Bond are nothing if not envious.

Bond escorts Elizabeth to the exit and says his goodbyes to Tanner and Q.

"I see that all the lovers are off early tonight. Goodnight and Merry Christmas Bond, miss."

"Thank you Q, Merry Christmas to you too."

Elizabeth is tipsy and laughing trying to undress him the second they reach the room.

"Come here Mr. Bond let me give you a Christmas you will never forget."

"I can get behind that…"

They begin undressing and his mobile goes off. "Ignore it James...it's Christmas….the wicked boss lady doesn't need you tonight….she should be playing with her own man."

James shakes her off roughly with a glare. _"Bond here...slow down...Ok. Do not open the door until I get there."_

Bond pulling clothing on quickly and doesn't give a thought to his girlfriend as he makes for the door.

"So the old woman calls and you just leap...just like all those other times. She has her claws in you good doesn't she James?"

"Elizabeth...don't"

"Why not...I never got it until tonight...I saw you watching a woman old enough to be your mother and I have never seen you look at me that way. You have problems...I will not be here when you get back if you leave this room."

"Well, I guess this is goodbye then. I will send you a plane ticket home."

"BASTARD!"

Bond bolts through the door and heads to M's room.

Bond calls Tanner once M settles down and stops crying in his arms. Jason lies on the bed, body cooling with a bluish tinge. Massive heart attack as far as Bond can tell.

M's wrapped in his comforting embrace. Bond helped her dress Jason...not wanting him to be seen like that. M is in a dressing gown over her lingerie and stockings.

"M as much as I love holding you in next to nothing you need to dress, Tanner will be here soon."

"I'm sorry...I didn't know who to call...how could I...I'm sorry James."

"Shush...it is alright M...I am here for you."

Bond and Tanner work out what to do with the body. A unit from MI6 will take him to the morgue and they will alert the authorities after the trail to M is wiped clean.

James drives M home. They enter her flat. It is now early morning of Christmas. There are decorations and again mistletoe above them as they come in.

I rankles Bond that she put that there for another man...the dead naked man in her bed at the hotel. At least that was a fantastic way to die.

"What is it about us...that this is where we end up on Christmas James?"

"We are meant to be M...you need recognise that….oh and look there is mistletoe."

"James...I just climbed off a dead man...I don't think I could handle you right now."

Bond pulls her into an embrace and M is too tired to fight him. He leans down and kisses her gently.

"I love you M. I know you are hurting now but by this time next Christmas...I plan to be living here and kissing you under this mistletoe."

M has to laugh despite the events of the last few hours. "You have a woman back at the hotel waiting for you James."

"No I don't...she called me a bastard and told me she would not be there when I returned from rushing to your side...you see you make it impossible for me to be with another. Over the last few months she noticed the calls...having to rush and disappear because you need me. She saw you tonight and now knows why."

"And why would that be...she could just think me a shrew of a boss...demanding."

"Elizabeth saw you and then she understood it was you...I would run the minute the call came."

"Well that is the job...James."

"No...it was not just for the job...it was for you. Once you were sick...Tanner couldn't reach you...because you turned down your mobile and I raced over...I snuck in and saw you snuggled in your blanket...running a fever. I called off the alert and put a bottle of pills and some water beside your bed."

M looks up at Bond in amazement. "Really...and here I thought you haven't been here in a year."

"How could I stay away? Hell...I wanted to stay with you...look after you but then you would have kicked my ass."

"You should have stayed away because I ordered you!"

"So here we are...what are we going to do now?"

"I think...I would like to go to bed."

"Oh...really M...this is so sudden."

"Sudden...I think I will stay alone for that smart ass remark."

"Well I am worried...you just killed your last lover."

"Bond!"

"Too soon M? Did he mean a lot to you?"

"Not as much as he wished."

"That seems to be a theme with you and me M."

"Go home Bond...salvage Christmas day with Elizabeth."

"No… I am not running away from you this time M."

"James I…"

"Just let me hold you tonight. The rest will take care of itself."

M reaches up and touches his face with her hand...looking into his startling eyes and getting lost again in the fantasy of what could, no can be...if she allows herself.

James Bond will be a dangerous indulgence. Well, it is Christmas after all.

M stands on her toes as Bond watches her hopefully and then their lips meet under the mistletoe.

The End.

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Sorry it was so long...lol

Merry Christmas detectivecaz, liz1967 and cjjosh4ever!


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